Drunks speak the truth - Swan Queen
by LovingUkillsMe
Summary: Emma wakes up on an almost normal Saturday when she notices a brunette laying beside her in her bed. She's unable to recall last night's events but it probably has something to do with an electric toothbrush.
1. Chapter 1

**F*** me if I'm wrong but I think you want to read this story. (and review and follow it and follow me...) :D**

**A/N: This story is meant to be ****fun****, so don't take it too seriously. I don't know how long it's going to be, probably about 3-6 chapters. It is going to be from Emma's point of view! Some thoughts might be confusing, random or/and disorganized but that's probably supposed to be. Disorganized thoughts of the one and only Miss Swan are mostly written in ****_italics._**

**This was just information-wise.**

**So I hope you enjoy this story! Tell me what you think; tell me if you wish for improvement (concerning grammar, style, whatever else) or if you think that it's actually funny and not just desperately trying to be, etc. etc. ...**

**I would love to read some reviews :)**

**SOOOO HERE IT IS: **

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**Drunks speak the truth**

Emma's POV

I woke up on a Saturday with a bitter taste of alcohol and regret in my mouth. I tossed in bed and found the former to my left. An open bottle of whiskey lay on the ground and its content had been emptied. Secretly wishing that I hadn't drunk it all by myself, I looked to my right this time. I let out a stream of air when staring at a dark brown mess of hair tangled across the other half of my bed. This was where I apparently found the latter... _regret_.

At the sight of the woman in my bed two thoughts were popping up in my head. _Shit_ and _at least I hadn't been drinking alone_.

I fell out of my bed with a thud once I tried to reach for my phone at the bed stand. The brunette who seemed slightly dead proved to be alive as she growled a little at my contact with the ground. After five minutes of awkwardly trying to lift myself up I slipped into a shirt and a pair of jeans and finally managed to stand straight. However I had serious problems with balancing myself and remaining to stand at two feet instead of just one.

My legs miraculously dragged me towards the bathroom taking along various things that were scattered around the floor – most of all clothes though. Every time my foot hit an immovable object two almost simultaneous groans filled the air. One muffled by pillows and the other – speaking of mine – was always followed by a loud "Fuck", "Damn", "Stupid *insert object name here*".

I sat down on the toilet and peed while happily humming the sound of a song I had never even heard before. It probably was my own interpretation of a remix of "I just had sex" and "hangover". Not to hype me or anything but the mash-up didn't even sound all too bad.

I stood in front of the sink by now taking a closer look of my face in the mirror and somehow feeling old. Especially the muscles in my right arm hurt and I couldn't quite shake the feeling that my fingers of that very arm felt as if someone had been sitting on them for a while. I looked around the bathroom in search of my electric toothbrush but was unable to locate it. _It's probably somewhere in my room, _I thought to myself while brushing my hair slowly using my left arm for that matter and trotted off.

And all of a sudden it hit me like a freaking hard brick to the head. Well my brush literally hit me because of hysterically moving it through my hair once really realizing what I had done_. What the hell? I had fucking fucked with a woman! Oh god. _

I stood in the middle of the room with the brush stuck halfway in my unruly blonde locks. My eyes scanned the room for a brown mane but found nothing. _Where the hell did she go? Was it even a "she"? Oh fuck, maybe it was some weird heavy metal guy with shoulder-long hair and a jesus-like beard and slippers. Just no… _I thankfully spotted more than one bra in the mess of clothes_. God yes... it was a woman! _I wiped away some sweat that lingered on my forehead.

Although being not able to recall what had happened the night prior and kind of freaking out about it, I still felt quite confident and good of having apparently slept with someone, who was for god sake shaved for once. At least that's what I hoped for. Another trip to the enchanted forest or any bushy forest in particular just wouldn't do me. I felt fortunate to be out of there even if the sleeping beauty was good to look at once in a while. Mulan was more the type of cutting through untouched territory anyway… I mean landscape wise of course.

I spotted my toothbrush somewhere between the sheets and couldn't really form coherent thoughts about it. It was all dripping wet when I touched it and I almost immediately junked it away again. _Well I guess I need a new toothbrush._

After that little incident, I quickly hurried down the steps taking two at a time. I considered it a miracle for me to not trip and fall down those idiotic steps. Mary-Margaret, Snow, Mum and David, James, Charming, Dad _[what the fuck is his name anyways?!] _sat across from each other at the dining table. MM was smiling as she lovingly poked David's nose. In those very weird and way too slushy moments I internally screamed _"GET A ROOM"_ while really only shifting my feet in an utterly awkward way and wrestling for appropriate words to say.

I cleared my throat loud enough for them to get a few centimeters away from each other and they actually paid attention right away. _"Well that was easy"_ I mumbled inaudible to myself before addressing them. When speaking I sounded breathy and at the edge of losing it, almost as if I had been screaming and yelling all through the night. _Oh god… I guess it really happened…_

"Have you seen someone walk by or out of the apartment like two minutes ago?"

They looked at me visibly confused but Snow answered me pretty fast. "Well Ruby and Belle had been here." I furrowed my brows and felt as if some remaining alcohol was just now making its way to my brain.

"Ruby AND Belle?" I still sounded definitely husky and after emphasizing "and" my voice cracked even more. My parents – it was still so weird to call them that, especially considering that they were almost as old as me – locked eyes for a moment looking quite concerned. Charming finally decided to reply.

"Yeah sure. You wanted them to stay overnight so I guess they did." He smiled at me when saying that. I figured it'd be best to act as if I somehow had all my questions answered although being all mushy and dizzy in the head. It had probably just been Ruby and Belle thus I needed to find them. Getting answers from the girls was definitely better than talking to oblivious parents who apparently didn't even know what a hangover even was… _although MM had had that "thing" with ... and they had been in bed together when Henry and I… Oh whatever!_

"Right thanks. I guess ... I mean um... I have to go."

I was already putting on my shoes and coat when my dad caught up to me leaving MM in the living room. He put on a cheeky grin and laid a strong hand on my shoulder. My green eyes locked with his blue ones before he decided to talk again.

"If you see the pirate, tell him that his hook is here."

My jaw simply and thoroughly dropped at that. After what felt like an eternity of letting my tongue out to dry I managed to reply. "What? Why?" My voice seemed of course shocked and was therefore an octave higher than usually.

"I thought you wanted to go." He answered quickly and so smugly while smirking all the while and I knew that this couldn't be good news. I was just hoping that they hadn't had a fling even if that was somehow obvious... at least to me. I didn't honestly want to know what "hook" he was exactly talking about anyways... it was probably code for something... _Ugh no. I'm definitely not going there._

"Well... yeah... um... see you then."

This was so freaking awkward and completely disgusting. I felt like puking for a moment but shoved the feeling back in my stomach before letting it get too overwhelming. I rushed out of the apartment shutting the door behind me and leaned back against it while deeply inhaling. The relaxing of my shoulders showed my relief of finally making my way out of there.

* * *

I decided to go to Granny's in an instant being quite sure to find at least Ruby in the diner. Right after exiting the house though I crashed into someone at the steps. My stomach's contents swirled and my brain felt slightly squished yet again. I had to literally scratch myself off of the ground before looking into deep brown eyes that sparkled with anger and fury and yet they were giving me so much loving... _I mean loathing of course._

"Miss Swan" The mayor hissed with a slight up tilt of her lips and a dark raspy voice. "Next time you better watch out" She looked me up and down, taking in every centimeter of my body while I was doing the same.

"Um sorry… I… really didn't… I mean" I obviously didn't know what to say because of getting lost in her eyes. _No. Wait. That's not true._ _Fighting for words was just a feature of mine. Duh_.

"Feel free to close your mouth. Your breath isn't all too inviting. Have you ever heard of a toothbrush?" She inspected my mouth for quite a long time before locking eyes with me again. Her ever-present smirk seemed overly flirty today_. Or wasn't it always? Oh god. I'm so mushy in the head. It's JUST the after-effect of the alcohol… for sure. _

My lips snapped shut immediately and I seemed to only notice their dryness in that particular moment. I wetted them by sliding my tongue tentatively and teasingly over them while gazing into pools of chocolate. _Oh such sweet and good-looking chocolate. I want a fucking taste of it._ I took a step forward still staring into those longing eyes that were now lighting up with my motions. My eyes seemed to sparkle in surprise when I was seeing her gulp and looking at my lips for a brief second.

"I did actually use my toothbrush… but between a different pair of lips."

This time it was her turn to struggle for words. The brunette gulped even harder this time and looked shocked for a moment before putting on her – "I'm an evil regal, you bastard" – smile. After what felt like forever she finally spoke up again in an unaffected manner.

"I honestly don't know what you are trying to accomplish Miss Swan."

I chuckled lightly before moving even closer so that our faces were being mere inches away from each other and our breaths were slightly touching each other's skins. I didn't know why I felt the urge to move forward and honestly didn't even want to know. My voice was incredibly low once I started mumbling and I almost lost it halfway.

"Oh Gina don't be so uptight. I'm just joking." I grinned at her sheepishly and could have bet that her shoulders seemed to slacken. Her facial expression remained queenly though when she took a step back. I didn't quite know why but I felt somehow frustrated by her pulling away.

"Okay firstly for you it is still Mayor or Miss Mills and secondly this charade is highly inappropriate. I suppose this conversation is over. I hope you are satisfied Sheriff." Her eyes darted over my body before catching my eyes again. She sounded kind of annoyed but I could still make out some musing and tempting in her way of pronouncing the words.

"Yes I'm totally satisfied." I winked at her after saying that and made a tiny pause before continuing teasingly. "Regina" My voice was so hoarse then. This one word was almost soundless.

She turned on her heel leaving me all by myself and muttered the most surprising words ever. "Goodbye Emma." In that moment I just wished that I could have seen her face and especially her eyes.

_She fucking said Emma. I mean what the hell? I think I'm getting a girl boner if that actually exists. I ...um… Wait what?! No. That's not happening. Shit. Forget it. It's inappropriate. I think I'm going mental. Where was I even going to? Oh yeah heading to the diner. _

**So what do you say? :)**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hello everyone! THANK YOU VERY MUCH! I really appreciate the reviews you were given me and I am grateful for them.**

**I don't quite know if the next chapter will live up to your expectations but I do hope it will :) Let me know if there are mistakes of any kind (always remember: I'm not at home with the language) **

**Please review and give me some love... um I mean feedback ;) Anyways here's a little review: **

She turned on her heel leaving me all by myself and muttered the most surprising words ever. "Goodbye Emma." In that moment I just wished that I could have seen her face and especially her eyes.

_She fucking said Emma. I mean what the hell? I think I'm getting a girl boner if that actually exists. I ...um… Wait what?! No. That's not happening. Shit. Forget it. It's inappropriate. I think I'm going mental. Where was I even going to? Oh yeah heading to the diner. _

**and here's the second chapter! Enjoy guys! :)**

**Drunks speak the truth - Chapter 2 - Just a little closer**

... EMMA'S POV:

When I entered the diner the door's bell rang pretty normal but in my ears it sounded as if a cat had just been run over. My hand snapped up to my head holding it to somehow magically lessen the pain. I didn't really assume that that would work since I never intentionally used magic before and was therefore taken aback by the strong softening of my headache. _Oh yeah._ _Success. Thanks Regina. I mean… you had absolutely nothing to do with it. _

Ruby was already welcoming me with a wide grin once I sat down and put a cacao in front of me. She left quickly to serve other guests but I didn't mind. Today was fortunately just Saturday and even if Grumpy would probably be drunk by the end of the day, I simply didn't care in the moment. I somehow felt like having all the time in the world. My finger slightly dipped into the cocoa and then moved to my lips so that I could taste the delicious cinnamon cream. My hands enfolded the warm cup as I looked around the diner. When Ruby looked my way again I beckoned her to come over. She took one last order and sat down beside me.

I cleared my throat before I could actually speak up with my voice being deep and hushed.

"So Rubs… you and Belle…" I couldn't even finish my question when Ruby already threw her hands wildly in the air and interrupted me.

"It's not what you think it is. I'm serious… We just get along, you know? Like you and Regina do. You know like…"

I was still feeling the after-effects of my last night's excessive alcohol consumption and Ruby was fucking annoying. It was about 10 in the morning and I couldn't deal with that babbling. I furrowed my brows in confusion and eyed her intently before deciding to stop her. I placed a hand over one of hers and managed to somehow shut her up… without punching her face… although honestly thinking about it.

"Shut it Ruby. I honestly have no fucking clue what the hell you are even talking about but would you just let me ask you something BEFORE you reply?"

She looked at me like a lost puppy with a wolfish grin on her lips and nodded. I was quite surprised that she stayed silent for once.

"It's like a nuclear bomb destroyed my room. There were clothes everywhere and my toothbrush was…"

I really didn't expect her to listen for more than five seconds but was seriously pissed at her for cutting me off again. The grip around my cup got tighter and the cup was fortunate to not shatter into a million pieces.

"Oh god I'm so sorry, I will definitely buy you a new one. I told Belle to throw it away… well apparently she didn't listen and…"

Ruby had an extraordinary talent of bewildering me and making the whole situation even weirder than it already had been. I was quite sure that the toothbrush was what the "hook" probably meant to Hook and Charming. That was not only incredibly disgusting but I didn't also care about it at all. I didn't want to know about all the affairs in this totally kinky town. _And there once had been a time when I thought that Boston was filled with screwed up people. _The one thing I truly cared about was to somehow recall what **_I_** had done last night.

"RUBY!"

I attempted to yell at her but only managed to whisper shout, while sounding like some dying animal. Ruby finally stopped the non-stop rambling and I only wondered how long she would be able to hold it in this time.

"Please just listen, I beg you!"

I coughed a few times after saying that being oblivious to the fact that Regina had entered the diner by now. _Okay not true. I noticed it like a freaking pang to my heart. Um uh… well I'm talking about the closing of the door. So annoying. _I gazed at the beautiful brunette for a few minutes before somehow feeling like a penis-driven idiot or even a pervert. Neither my vag nor my eyes cared about that feeling though and took her body in while my throat started to feel utterly dried out.

_Oh god why do I feel like I'm in a fucking desert?! IT'S ALL JUST SO HOOOOOT. I mean… cool down, take a deep breath… those beautiful legs, they look as smooth as velvet… um no! just don't got there…They're perfectly shaved and soft when I'm sliding over them… WAIT WHAT?! _

When something hard hit my head I was finally waking up from my dreamy and gazing state. My mouth closed itself quickly and I couldn't deny that I had been drooling. _Ugh disgusting. _I wiped it away immediately and stared at Ruby accusing her and grumbling incoherent words for a second before she decided it'd be best to put in her two cents.

"Love struck fool what's your question?"

She winked at me while saying that and I could definitely hear her teasing me. I looked up and could literally feel myself blushing. _Could someone just turn on the air conditioner! I AM NOT IN LOVE! _

"Me? Love struck? Pah. You better be kidding me. No. Not happening."

Ruby huffed and sighed exaggeratedly when I tried to come up with some sense-making sentences and excuses. _Excuses for ahem just … oh whatever._ _It's time for me to at least accept it I guess… My love for that incredibly good-looking and beautiful woman is as fucking obvious as our eye-sex. Come on does seriously nobody ever notice that?! … besides Ruby? _

"Whatever Emma. Ask now or I'm out of here."

"I don't even know what to ask you anymore because of your non-stop talking. I mean I thought I had either slept with you or Belle or even the both of you. Now all I can think of is that you…"

I was speaking with an annoyed voice and continued mumbling after a while to make sure that only Ruby and I were part of this conversation and not the whole diner.

"…and Belle used my toothbrush to have…"

"Advanced lesbian s-e-x?"

Ruby completed my sentence in a sarcastic manner and grinned at me devilishly afterwards. I only nodded and carried on while sipping on my cocoa every now and then. _Yeah sure it's not at all what I think it is._

"Yes… but what was I doing there? I mean what the fuck even happened last night?"

"You were so wasted and Reg… I mean Miss Mills… shit. She is coming over."

I wrinkled my forehead and gave the brunette sitting across from me that "What the hell"- glare of mine. She coughed artificially before hurriedly mumbling. I was somehow able to understand her despite the fact that all the words sounded nearly the same.

"She is standing behind you, you idiot."

She looked over my shoulder very briefly and immediately stood up to make her way to the counter. I was quite taken aback by her leaving so suddenly and once I turned around to see what it was she had eyed seconds prior, I cringed. My heart just basically stopped beating. The mayor was standing behind me with her eyes being mere inches away from mine. I took in her scent like a drug and didn't even notice at first what effect it could have on me. _That sweet smell of apples. It's so delicious._

I was glad that I was still alive after that incident. When she had looked at me two seconds ago I had felt like having an apoplectic fit and a serious asthma attack. I couldn't recall exactly what had happened but I found myself on the floor by now. Granny fortunately didn't diagnose me with asthma when I lay on the floor being somehow unconscious. However I really just remained laying there to enjoy the view. And with view I'm talking about Regina's very inviting cleavage. _Just a little closer._

"Emma?"

That dark and yet sweet voice was like a blanket made of silk to me. It felt tender and warmed my whole body. I blinked a few times before gazing into chocolate brown eyes that seemed to gleam with concern. A soft smile grazed my lips as I stared ahead and I finally decided to pull them out of their misery. _Sure I wanted to continue dwelling in the lovely sight in front of me… but pretending to be unconscious just wasn't all that charming. [See my wordplay here?] _

"I'm fine."

I unwantedly coughed a little after saying that. The worry slowly left the brunette in front of me as she offered me her hand. My right hand reached forward and its muscles immediately stiffened with the movement, missing the offered hand and instead lending somewhere completely inappropriate. _Oh god. Speaking of warmth and heart racing... Just a little longer lingering there._

"Oh damn I'm so sorry… that was not what I intended to do..."

My cheeks burned up instantly when my hand touched one of her breasts for a bit too long. I withdrew it right away and almost slapped myself in the process. Regina just eyed me with a smirk settling on her face and helped me standing up again.

Once I stood I felt like everyone in the diner was awkwardly watching me and therefore gave them all a smile that said "I'm good. You can all look away now." I raised my voice so everyone would hear.

"I'm totally fine guys. You can continue eating… or do whatever really."

Most of the people turned around immediately and threw themselves at their meals and drinks. Regina still stood beside me though and I could feel her attentive eyes on me.

"Miss Swan I consider your exorbitant sugar ingestion highly jeopardous as this syncope substantiated."

My head felt slightly mushy again when being bombarded with words unknown to me or probably to the human kind in general as well. I scratched the back of my head and felt like an idiot once more.

"I sometimes consider it to be quite strenuous for you to behave like – I can't even excogitate an appropriate word to describe your idiotic…"

_Ha! That was my cue._

"Oh god, call a doctor! The mayor is speechless!" I chuckled lightly while staring into – now very pissed off – dark pools of brown and continued. "I'm starting to like this day."

I clapped my hands together in triumph feeling like a little boy – or somehow like Henry for that matter.

"You are more childish than our son and you obviously lack not only general mental ability but also the ability to consume food properly. I hope that was comprehensible enough, my dear."

She moved towards me and my breath was stuck in my throat. I gulped hardly while fiddling nervously with my hands and being unable to form coherent thoughts. The only thought racing through my mind was "**_just a little closer"_**and that thought didn't fucking help me at all. All of a sudden she brought her hand to the edge of my pink lips and gently brushed over them with her thumb. I gulped a second time even harder now and saw her pupils dilating. Her eyes were almost pitch-black when she locked eyes with me. My green ones were probably as filled with desire as hers. Her thumb was hovering over her own red plump lips by now and her tongue slid over it with one fell swoop, taking the cream with it. _Oh if it only were another cream…um… yeah._ She hummed deeply and I could somehow feel the vibration of her vocal chords inside of me.

My tongue felt utterly dry when I tried to shove it back in my mouth. Regina still stood mere inches away from me with my hands barely touching her signature pencil skirt. I wanted to touch more of her thighs but the brunette stepped away and headed towards the entrance of the diner.

My body was in trance and I just stood there watching her go although not at all wanting it. She fortunately turned around once more winking at me and spoke up before leaving.

"I expect you to personally hand in the paperwork of yesterday this evening. If you have lost it, then you will better find it or else."

_What paperwork? _I internally asked myself while gulping the third time within the last five minutes and secretly wishing my almost constant girl boner away.

**A/N 2.0: What do you think about it? And do you have ideas on "the paperwork" Regina is talking about? :)**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hi guys! First of all, thank you all for reviewing, alerting, ... ! :) And secondly I want to mention the error type 1 that prevented me from uploading! Sorry guys!**

**This chapter is probably going to be the second last... but we'll see! Depends on you guys and my motivation I guess ;) I'm not completely happy with this chapter so please let me know if it's okay? And if there are any mistakes feel free to tell me (remember: I am not originated in the language)**

**So anyways I hope you enjoy it and I would be more than thrilled to see some reviews :) **

**Review:**

_My body was in trance and I just stood there watching her go although not at all wanting it. She fortunately turned around once more winking at me and spoke up before leaving._

_"I expect you to personally hand in the paperwork of yesterday this evening. If you have lost it, then you will better find it or else."_

_What paperwork? I internally asked myself while gulping the third time within the last five minutes and secretly wishing my almost constant girl b-oner away._

* * *

**Drunks speak the truth - Chapter 3 - ... Let's talk about you and me**

_Paperwork… Paperwork… _Thanks to my major drunkenness the previous night I really couldn't get behind the secret of the paperwork. I couldn't possibly recall that the mayor had charged me with anything. Furthermore I had already worked through all the yesterday's desk work… at least that was something I remembered doing. _I must have had a serious black-out and more booze than ever before._

To somehow figure out what "paperwork" could mean I even tried to switch its letters to somehow form words that actually made sense. The first words I mentally constructed were "Raw Pork PE", but I couldn't for God's sake imagine that that was what she meant. _What was "Raw Pork PE" anyway? Some picks doing gymnastics or what? I mean what the hell? _I couldn't believe that I slightly chuckled at the thought of that. _So weird._

Moving from "Raw Pork PE" to "PA Row Perk" wasn't a great distance off. However the message behind it seemed to be quite different even if I had no clue what I was even pondering about. PA was some medical term that apparently stood for "from back to front" and that somehow seemed incredibly perverted and yet intriguing. Row and perk were somehow obvious in their significance. All in all my head regarded this new term as another definition for "experimental make up sex" or something closely related. _Oh god what am I doing? From paperwork to this. Am I serious? It's probably really JUST paperwork. Holy mother of everything that is gay in the world._

_Wrap poker that has to be it! _ That thought popped up in my head in no time. However I hadn't heard of that before so wasn't quite sure if it even existed. One way or another to me it sounded like the opposite of strip poker. Everyone would start out naked and the participants would have to slowly dress one another again. _Or maybe that isn't it either. It doesn't sound all too hot and pleasing but rather boring._

"HEY! Emma! Hellooooo?"

A hand was waving phenomenally close to my eyes and suddenly startled me. The voice repeated itself and the hand kept on swinging until I stopped staring and blinked a few times. I immediately fell out of my more than idiotic thoughts and let out a much-needed breath.

Ruby grinned at me seemingly pleased with herself and pulled her hand back.

"Hey Emma! Are you with me again?"

I looked at her while scratching my head as to somehow find appropriate words to say.

"Um… well… yeah. I think I … have to go."

My mind seemed to instantly decide it'd be best to go to the station… I had to at least try to have a look at the paperwork. I could definitely not show up empty-handed at the Mayor's.

Ruby already made her way back to the counter when I was on the verge of standing up. It still didn't appear to be my lucky day since one person didn't want to let go of me just yet. _Hook._

This pirate was a serious pain in the neck and had no right to just get in the way of the most predestined pairing of fairytale history. And I was definitely not referring to Charming and Snow… even if he was destroying them too.

"What do you want?"

I growled at him being visibly pissed off.

"Not you obviously."

He said smirking and finally sat down on the other side of the table. I internally rolled my eyes at his stupid reply and answered just as dryly… I couldn't deny though that I intended to go for the double meaning. "Charming."

His forefinger scratched at his temple as he smilingly stated "Obviously."

This back and forth of short sentences and simple words seriously annoyed me. I probably had to tell him what he so urgently wanted to hear to eventually get rid of him.

"You forgot your "hook" I guess." My voice sounded incredibly bored and I even yawned a little when saying it. _Yawning apparently is one of the after-effects of a very long night. _

"So it's a date."

He replied in a matter of fact attitude while lifting one of his eyebrows in a way too sassy way. I had to contain my laughter and only grinned to myself. Nevertheless I was quite shocked and puzzled with his response. I was sounding annoyed when finally pushing me to speak up.

"What the hell?"

"Ever heard of the term "hooking up", Swan?"

_And there was the sassy eyebrow yet again. Couldn't he just stop that ridiculous act?_

"Ugh gross. Leave me alone."

I wrinkled my nose in disgust and quickly stood up after leaving a tip and a message for Ruby.

* * *

When I arrived at the station I sighed heavily and quickly trotted to the desk that was fortunately for once not piled with documents, formalities and other shit that I didn't want to deal with. Yesterday really had been one of those few days on which I actually had worked and not just pretended.

I fell in the revolving chair with a thud and swirled around a bit. After a good four rounds of twisting I didn't only feel slightly mushy in the head and therefore came to a stop, but I also reminisced about what I actually came here for. _The paperwork, right…_

I opened one drawer after another and felt more awake than just a few minutes ago when noticing something terribly weird, something that had never been there before. My head suddenly felt like it had had a million turns instead of just four. I couldn't recall owning such a thing and having placed it there seemed entirely off either.

My hand carefully reached forward to pick it up by using only my thumb and forefinger. Once I touched it I contorted my whole face in utter disgust. I quickly threw it at the desk to have a better look at it.

At first I had thought that it was a dildo but once being closer I realized that this couldn't be it. I wasn't able to give it a proper name but to quickly describe it I'd say that it looked like a shark with a red tit. _Please just don't turn out to be the hook… please… ugh. Aweavbeajabae… Goddamn._

There was a cable coming out of the tail of the shark and a red ball with a nipple (that's at least what it seriously looked like) on its chest. The teeth of the shark were little red light bulbs. On the back of the shark wasn't only a fin but also some kind of regulator stating "hard", "off" or "smooth". Without the freaking red tit on its chest I would have seriously considered it a dildo. However when including the red ball that goddamn shark would never fit into any pussy. _Even if it did fit… it would definitely not be enjoyable…_

And then after a while of weirdly analyzing "the thing" I finally read the fine print saying "only qualified for massage therapy". My head was like "ah" but still pretty confused at the sight of having such a "device" here that I didn't even own myself.

I couldn't believe that some weird massage thingy could be what the mayor wanted me to get my hands on and therefore kept on seeking for something that would rather be called "paperwork". Not only because of that though I also wanted to get my hands on something entirely else. *wink, wink… _That thing is definitely not what she was talking about. _

After a frustrated while of digging around the drawers I finally found a package that was signed by the one and only Regina Mills. Twelve other letters were written on top of it.

**PAPERWORK**

Quivering fingers were sliding over the very elegant hand-writing, while a dropped jaw was nearly hitting the package. I panted for dear life with my tongue stuck so far out that I almost felt like some wild animal. My two almost simultaneous thoughts were - _Oh yeah I'm hungry like a wolf _and _Regret is for suckers, for suckers, for suckers. Regret is for suckers, for suckers, for suckers. Bitch._

I nervously opened it up hoping for just something "Regina" to be in there, even if it was a simple strand of hair… and even if that was slightly awkward. My heart raced at the thought of the brunette and my hands wildly tore the cardboard box open.

My jaw dropped once again when I unpacked another smaller package and set it on the table in front of me. _Damn it. So much for reading between the lines! Oh my god… this woman will be the death of me. Go fuck yourself Regina Milf! I mean Mills! _

_Speak of the devil and the devil shows up_! In that exact moment the mayor suddenly stormed into my office, knocking over everything movable that was in her way. _Just as sassy as always… and hot._

She stood at my desk eyeing me with that penetrate glare of hers and leaned over whereas her hands were gripping the edge of the table. Her dark brown eyes were completely filled with anger while mine simply showed off my confusion.

Without any forewarning or traditional gesticulation of her hand, she just hissed through gritted teeth.

"I am regretting the absence of something very precious and I'm quite certain that you, Miss Swan, are in the possession of said object. I want you to return it."

"Regret is for s… I mean… how should I give something back without knowing what that something even is, Madame Mayor?"

_Stupid catchy song. Stupid catchy eyes and inviting cleavage… just please go hide it somewhere I can't see it! _

The mayor replied instantly with a husky voice and a slight smirk was settling down on her lips.

"You know exactly what I am talking about."

_Let's talk about sex baby… let's talk about you and me…_

I instantly furrowed my brows at that, being still oblivious to what she was even missing. However there was one thing that I didn't consider my own, so I assumed it had to be hers. What else could she possibly be searching for? It kind of had to be the tit shark.

My hand grabbed the massage object and I held it out in front of her while making sure to not touch too much of the front part of it. I still couldn't be sure of what it was used for and if it had ever been sanitized… although secretly and desperately wishing for it to be clean.

"Are you looking for that?"

I asked with a sheepish smile on my lips and I slightly shrugged while holding the almost dildo in front of her.

"Um…I don't..."

I couldn't believe that the mayor apparently seemed to be quite breathless again. The soft reddening of her cheeks proved me of that assumption.

She quickly cleared her throat though and slipped back into her ever-present mayor mask before continuing to reply.

"I suppose not."

I immediately put the thing back in the drawer feeling somewhat embarrassed of having such awkward stuff around even if it wasn't mine. At least that's what I thought… but my mind could seemingly not be trusted these days.

"So… um… what are you looking for? I seriously have no fucking idea…"

My head went through all the possibilities of what the Mayor could look for. _Maybe some love… You say thump. I say how high?… I mean… jump of course. _

"It is of significantly high value to me."

The clues she was giving me weren't numerous at all and her indifferent facial expression didn't give anything away. I didn't know why but I honestly liked her more when she was being infuriated and looked like she wanted to hit me. _Hit me baby one more time._

I also had no idea why all these song lyrics were suddenly filling my head with inappropriate thoughts.

"Um… Are you looking for Henry? Well I haven't seen him around and …"

I could only come up with Henry because he was the only one who really meant a lot to Regina.

"No not him. It seems as if I have to enlighten you."

She was more than just slightly pissed off when she starting speaking. Once carrying on though she somehow let her mask drop along the way. Her eyes were tenderly staring into mine while not seeming to ever look away again and her voice was softening. I didn't assume that that was even possible but enjoyed the view and the sound as much and as long as I could.

A brief silence consumed us when she apparently tried to mentally force herself to finally reveal what she was looking for. The brunette frowned and the artery on her forehead was detectable once she decided to speak up.

"My heart."

_You have stolen my heart..._

Once again I felt as if a truck had driven over my head. I couldn't possibly process the things heard and only brought out two words, the words spoken due to my utter confusion.

"Wait what?"

_Really charming, Emma. Just quit playing games with her heart._ The mayor looked down for a moment before staring at me and explaining what my dumbass brain just couldn't comprehend.

"You stole it from me last night and I want it back. Is that so hard to understand, my dear?"

And my brain was like "_I throw my Spanish in the air sometimes, saying ayo no comprendo"_ while my pussy was like "_Oh please touch this nanana_" while my heart was like "_A shot through the heart and you're to blame, you give love a fucking hot name"._

After a while of gawking and thinking about possibilities to get Regina underneath me I finally decided to say something. If she was the one I had obviously spent the previous night with – because who else owned dark shoulder-long hair in this freaking city and flirted with me – then I needed to come clean.

"Yeah I have no fucking clue what had happened, I mean um… are you talking on a metaphorical level? Because if so than I'd have to tell you that I would love to have my pussy and heart back… and maybe my mind as well"

_My mind was probably long gone anyway but one still could hope for it to return._

"What the hell are you implying, Miss Swan?"

And there was that famous and unbelievably hot smirk again.I couldn't believe how much I missed just that one flirtatious smile and husky voice.

"Let's have s-e-x… again."

Oh god I just had to put my foot in my mouth. It was the truest statement I've ever made though… there was nothing in this world I'd rather do.

"No."

She wasn't giving it away that easily so I had to quickly change my game plan. Knowing my non-existent charms wasn't going to help. I had to just say what I thought about the two of us getting together. _The most predestined fairytale couple of all times. The White Knight aka Emma Swan and The Evil Queen aka Regina Milf getting together... It was epic. It was magic. It was true love._

"Let's make love."

The reply came almost instantly and was followed by a seductive licking of red plump lips.

"I suppose there's nothing left to discuss here."

* * *

**A/N: So many song lyrics. Is it too much? Is it funny at all?**

**Thanks for reading! :)**


	4. Chapter 4

**_A/N: Here's the next chapter guys! I had a lot of fun writing it and I think it's one of the funniest chapters so far. _**

**_I do not own the lyrics to the song "The milf next door". I'd recommend you to listen to the song that's mentioned. It fits and is pretty funny._**

**_I hope you enjoy it just as well :) Let me know what you think. _**

**_Drunks speak the truth - Chapter 4 - "The Milf Next Door"_**

**_Time leap_**

I woke up on Sunday with a strong sense of déjà vu in my stomach. However this feeling was accompanied by various other sentiments, especially outstanding was the incredibly weird melody in my head…

_She lives in the house right next to me_

_I like to watch her from behind the tree_

_She wears a mini skirt when she's cooking meals_

_And vacuums the floor in stiletto heels_

_She may be a mommy, but she still looks hot_

_She acts like a lady, but I hope she's not_

_I want to tell her I should be her man_

_I wanna take a ride in her minivan_

It felt like I wouldn't be able to shake that song for the whole rest of the day… and the day unfortunately had just started. A soaking wet clit which still throbbed a little and a freaking taste of apples in my mouth proved me of that assumption. I was apparently going mental and had had a whole lot of sex.

I rubbed over my eyelids and slowly opened my eyes to take in the scenery in front of me. The bed was incredibly cozy and it was definitely not mine just like the room it stood in. The various clothes on the floor belonged to me though… at least some of them. The pencil skirt wasn't mine and _oh my god. Regina Milf. I am in Regina Milf's bedroom. And more importantly I was IN Regina Milf! YES SUCCESS! VIVA LA SWAN QUEEN! OR whatever Henry would call it._

_I'm in love _

_With the MILF next door_

_(She's a MILF, the MILF next door)_

_Give me half_

_Half a chance and I bet I'll score_

_(With the MILF, the MILF next door)_

_She's a fantasy I've been searching for_

_I'm in love _

_With the MILF next door_

I rolled over slightly and took in the beauty that was very nakedly displayed in front of me. One of her still hardened boobies wasn't covered by the blanket and therefore looking right at me. Her sleeping position felt very inviting and intriguing to me and I would not for god's sake jump out of bed this time just in order to find my electric toothbrush that hadn't even been utilizable anyways... at least not for what it was actually meant to be used for. _Thanks fucking much Ruby._

My hand slightly brushed a strand of hair out of her face before stroking over her cheek. I bent forward and gently pressed my lips on crimson swollen ones. In that very moment I could feel magic running through my veins and last night seemed more fateful than I ever assumed it to be. Last night wasn't the first time but it was the only time I could recall having slept with the mayor and I was feeling somewhat guilty about that now. It wasn't right. Making love to such a breath-taking and beautiful woman while being drunk hadn't been right.

I could feel the plump lips underneath mine curl into a smile and press against mine with an epic tenderness. A husky hum left her lips and affected me deep inside. _What I wouldn't give for that voice being my every night's lullaby and my every morning's wake up call. _I thought to myself and grinned sheepishly.

"Good morning, dear" The brunette spoke up with a hoarse voice and smiled at me happily. It was quite an unusual sight but it warmed my heart all the more. I was somehow proud of being able to make her feel good.

She continued talking after a comfortable while of silence and gladness and relief were nearly drooling from her words. "I'm happy that last night was our first to be honest." The words pushed me in a shock state for a minute but simultaneously made me remember the best night I had ever had. _Last night._

* * *

**_Last night – Flashback _**

_"Let's make love."_

_The reply came almost instantly and was followed by a seductive licking of red plump lips. _

_"I suppose there's nothing left to discuss here."_

_With a delicate flick of her hand she "poofed" us and the paperwork within seconds. The purple smoke of her magic engulfed me and made me briefly close my eyes. When I opened them again I stood in the midst of her bedroom. _

_"Miss Swan..." Regina spoke up standing mere inches away from me, her breath tickling my skin and her artery on her forehead was being visible._

_"It's Emma… please" The anxiety of sleeping with the most beautiful woman in the fucking world in the very near future constricted my voice so that only a soft mumble left me. _

_The mayor nodded shyly while grinning like a teenager that is about to have sex for the first time and my eyes nearly popped out of my head. I knew that I probably looked exactly the same but she was so unbelievably stunning. After a while of what felt like a staring and gazing competition I finally took one of her hands in my own immediately feeling the tension and magic within my body rising. I couldn't believe that one simply touch could feel as incredible and surreal as this. _

_I tenderly squeezed her hand when I moved even closer. Our breaths mingled and I took in the strong scent of apples that I came to adore more than anything. I gazed into her chocolate-brown eyes for one more second before closing my eyes and the tiniest gap between us and kissing her with all of my desire, want but most of all love. I could feel her plump lips move softly against mine and my lips burnt deliciously from the touch. It was magic. _

**Flashback over**

And I was unsure as to why but remembering that suddenly made me smile like a love-struck fool while hearing the words of Blanche from "The Golden Girls". It was really crazy but there was nothing I could do about it.

_Oh it has all the signs of a classic love/hate relationship. And from the sparks of that conflict rise the flames of desire. Flames that ignite in an uncontrollable frenzy of lust, passion and ecstasy!_

_Sweet Brown immediately stopped my rambling though …Ain't nobody got time for that._

A slight smack to my upper arm and the words of Sweet Brown tore me out of my thoughts and back into reality. Regina stared into my eyes with concern written all over her face but once my eyes seemed to take in hers a smirk settled down on her lips.

"I'm glad that I have reclaimed your attention, Miss Swan." She purred before snuggling closer to me putting her head on my shoulder.

My fingers softly ran through her unruly dark hair and I felt more complete and content than ever before. I inhaled deeply taking in her pleasant smell and wanted to stop the march of time, if only for a few minutes. However I had a lot of questions that needed to be answered so I decided to finally say something.

"Hi." I shyly brought out internally punching myself for my stupidity.

The "Hi" though seemed to equal the "Hi" from our first encounter and recalling that moment made me feel very nostalgic and sentimental. My sheepish smile and all made Regina apparently feel sentimental as well.

The brunette chuckled lightly and moved up so that her boobies were visible again… not that I cared or anything. _Yeah okay I'm staring at them… I just enjoy the view. Nothing is wrong with that?!_

Her dark-brown eyes were gazing into mine after I finished watching her perfect boobs when she decided to speak up again.

"Do you want to know what's in the box, dear?"

She pointed to the "paperwork" – package that was standing at the bed stand. I nodded and grabbed it before I put it down on the blanket. The package lay between the two of us and now that we had slept with each other I was even more confused as to what was even in there.

Her manicured fingers made quick work of the paperwork – reminding me of last night and her professional massage within my clit – and retrieved two identical objects.

I had to burst into a breathy laughter when I eyed the two toothbrushes in front of me forgetting about all of the questions that I actually wanted to ask. The brunette smiled back at me and held one of them under my nose when speaking.

"This one is obviously intended for cleaning your dirty mouth, Miss Swan."

I chuckled lightly and snatched it away from her. Regina held out the other one and carried on with her little presentation of the "paperwork".

"The other one will come in handy between – how did you put it? – a different set of lips. To prevent misunderstandings I marked this one red. Even your idiotic ass will comprehend that, yes?"

She smirked at me devilishly but this time I knew that she wasn't just making fun of me; she definitely was hardcore-flirting with me, also indirectly proposing to put the toothbrush to use and I gladly accepted the challenge. _Oh yeah evil isn't born. It's made. Here I come._

"Show me your genitals!" I half-screamed with a huge grin grazing my face when snatching the toothbrush away from her and putting myself on top of her.

She let out a loud laugh when she wrestled to get me off of her again but failed miserably. I wasn't going to lose that fight.

I bent down fiercely and let our lips crash together while pressing her down into the mattress. A moan escaped her lips once my tongue made its way into her mouth and fought a steamy duel with hers. Yet again it felt as if flames were pleasantly burning up my whole skin as my naked body touched hers and my lips were pressing against hers.

I muttered into her mouth while remaining to assault her mouth with my own. "Let's put this paperwork… to work, Madame Mayor."

Before I could go down on her though, there was a knock at the door immediately yanking us out of our heated make out session.

"Mum?"

_Oh god it was Henry. _We were jumping apart in an instant and looked at each other with shocked expressions on our faces. I was about to say something but Regina's fingers moved over my lips right away successfully stopping my idiotic idea. The brunette spoke up in that moment and I noticed that was probably best since I had absolutely no business here… normally at any rate.

"Henry darling please go downstairs. I'll be down in a minute."

I could hear the sound of his retreating footsteps as he was probably doing as he was told. Regina instantly stood up and conjured herself into something very mayor like. She wore a white blouse with a black blazer and the matching mini skirt. I followed her movements as well but was still being butt naked once I stood. She bit her bottom lip examining my body and teasingly smirked at me.

"I'm sorry Sheriff but I suppose we have to adjourn our meeting."

"Would you at least magic me into my jeans and shirt as well?" I spoke up annoyed with her being all dressed and me being naked. I found that quite unfair.

"I suppose you're capable of dressing yourself, Miss Swan. If there are any problems I see you downstairs."

When she mentioned "being capable of dressing" I had to somehow think of the Italian football player Balotelli who couldn't put on a bib by himself and needed an assistant helping him. I chuckled lightly at that but was still pissed at Regina for just leaving me in her bedroom all by myself. _Oh this screams revenge, love._

I quickly dressed myself and made my way downstairs internally planning on how to return the favor. My feet dragged me to the kitchen and then to the living-room when I asked myself. _For the love of safe sex where the fucking fuck are they?_

I suddenly heard a few giggles and chuckles from outside the house and therefore trotted to the backyard. I stopped in an instant once I saw both of them outside happily running around and the water from the hose pipe that Henry was holding splashed an indecent Regina. My eyes were almost visibly raping her breathtaking and beautiful body while my drool was trickling down on the floor. My jaw nearly hit the wet spot on the ground when the brunette rearranged her bikini panty.

I was just standing there and staring when the lyrics of the fucking song made their way back into my head. _Regina Milf will be the end of me. I know it._

_Every Saturday when the kids are gone_

_She works in the yard with her bikini on_

_I open the curtains and take a peek_

_She smiles at me and my knees get weak_

_She walks down the street and she's looking good_

_She's a hit with the daddies in the neighborhood_

_And down at the school, all the teachers say_

_She's got the hottest ass in the PTA_

_I'm in love_

_With the MILF next door_

_(She's a MILF, the MILF next door)_

_Give me half_

_Half a chance and I bet I'll score_

_(With the MILF, the MILF next door)_

_She's the fantasy I've been searching for_

_I'm in love_

_With the MILF next door_

* * *

**A/N: Thanks for reading!**

**Did you like it? Review please. :)**


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Hello everyone! First of all thank you so much for the views, alerts, etc. ! I really appreciate all of it. :)**

**WARNING****: There will be alcohol consumption in this chapter (which is overdrawn but it's there nonetheless.) When you read the passage please remember that everything is meant for the fun of it. **

**I hope you don't get mixed up with the flashbacks. If you do, tell me.**

**Enjoy the chapter and let me know what you think. :)**

**Drunks speak the truth - Chapter 5 - Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder**

Emma's POV:

Regina Milf-Mills – dressed in a way-too-revealing bikini – noticed me standing at the terrace and immediately smirked. She locked eyes with me and I felt as if Henry had splashed me too. I looked down for a second to examine my jeans only to find them seemingly dry. That wetness apparently didn't come from any water hose but it strongly reminded me of last night… yet again.

**Flashback – Last Night **

_…_

_I tenderly squeezed her hand when I moved even closer. Our breaths mingled and I took in the strong scent of apples that I came to adore more than anything. I gazed into her chocolate-brown eyes for one more second before closing my eyes and the tiniest gap between us and kissing her with all of my desire, want but most of all love. I could feel her plump lips move softly against mine and my lips burnt deliciously from the touch. It was magic. _

_My hands gently moved to her blouse, opening that damn button that always seemed to harass me by just not opening by itself and finally shoved the piece of cloth off of her shoulders. The brunette kept on kissing me fiercely and shivered when the back of my hand brushed over the exposed flesh of her perfect stomach. My other hand drew her closer to me while holding to her side. It definitely wasn't time for a Britney song but it nevertheless popped up in my head for a second, "If I said I want your body now. Would you hold it against me? It's Emma, bitch... or something." _

_The dark-haired beauty in front of me broke the heated kiss for a short period of time to look into my desire-filled eyes and I could see amazement and a purple fire in her sparkling orbs. A small gasp escaped her lips then and she spoke up with a hoarse voice. _

_"Your eyes are shining in fluorescent silver." _

_I knew that it was the magic raising within me that I could feel the more I touched her. I still chuckled slightly when I leaned my forehead against hers taking in her smell while still feeling breathless from our kiss. Before I pressed my lips onto hers again I replied teasingly. _

_"It seems that I'm not only silver-tongued." _

_Regina's lips pecked my pink ones just gently when I could feel them turn into a broad smile beneath. I retreated a bit while still holding her waist with one of my arms to see her beautiful and breathtaking smile. The broad smile also affected her eyes, where purple and a dark-brown mingled. A smirk settled down on my face when I heard her reply. _

_"You are definitely not silver-tongued, dear. If anyone is it is most certainly me." _

_The brunette grinned wickedly after saying that and although the words were spoken to point out my stupidity – that I was to be honest often aware of – I still had to smile back. The way she had said those words was affecting me deep inside of my heart and somewhere lower, thus I couldn't really complain. The soaking and for release screaming pussy of mine wasn't going to miss out on its actual release. If she knew what only her voice was doing to the sensitive spot between my legs she would probably think I was crazy. Okay whatever. She probably thought that anyway._

_I leaned forward once more to barely touch Regina's plump lips. As she longed for more I moved back a bit making her fight for more. I brushed her mouth with mine when I spoke, effectively tantalizing her._

_"Show me." _

_My voice was an octave lower than usual and it felt as if I almost made her realize how wet I was becoming in the moment._

**Flashback over **

I couldn't make out what the actual reason was for remembering small parts of yesterday every now and then and just tried to shove my arousal back when I made my way over to the two persons of my interest. Right then I finally and seemingly managed to close my mouth as well as my sloppy clit.

Regina's smirk turned into a stunning smile as I trotted to them while only having eyes for the brunette. All of a sudden a cold splash of water hit my lady parts and I stumbled backwards until I fell ass-first to the ground. A breathy laughter instantly filled the air and I couldn't draw a distinction between the wetness of the water and of my juices anymore. _Dear Queen of my heart, could you just not be so fucking beautiful and sexy to me? Only this once!_

Henry cracked up when he took in my attire and I quickly decided to run after him in order to return the favor. He was surely going to pay for that action not only because I was looking as if I had peed in my pants but also because I just had to get my mind off of the brunette bikini beauty. _Or BBB… also as in boobs, butt and belly that I want to lay hands on… not in the creepy surgeon kind of way though. Oh god I'm mental-rambling. _

Once he noticed that I was only a few meters away he suddenly giggled wildly and let the hose pipe fall down. Without the pipe our little boy somehow managed to increase his pace but it nonetheless seemed pointless. When my hand was mere inches away from his shirt – which I desperately just wanted to grab to turn him around – my back was suddenly struck by a jet of freaking icy water. I cringed immediately at the unpleasant sensation and turned on my heel to see the hooligan.

My jaw instantly dropped as my juices broke like the water of a pregnant woman. Right in front of me stood the dark-haired loveliness grinning so seductively with a giant toy in her hands… _I mean water hose. I volunteer as tribute. You can lay… um… spray me down whenever you want to._

Her breathy chuckle filled the unbearable silence after a while and I had to sheepishly grin at her. The brunette stepped into my personal space before she decided to say something.

"I really appreciate your presence, Miss Swan. However I'm not quite sure if you are aware of – whatever is between us – means to you."

"What?"

My voice replied without me really making any coherent thoughts about it. I was pretty sure that my mouth was still broadly open. I couldn't make out what she had said so fast. All these words needed time to be thought over.

"What are you hoping and hunting for dear? Do you have any expectations?"

Regina asked and although she sounded very mayor-like, she was looking so peaceful and even nice in that moment. I had to admit to myself that I hadn't really had a lot of expectations regarding "us" but I had definitely thought a lot about her. I had been thinking about her for as long as I could remember to be honest.

However what concerned me the most was what had happened in the fateful and intoxicated night to me or to both of us. Knowing that this was probably not a very smart thing to ask since she apparently remembered and I didn't, I came up with what preoccupied my mind. It was the second worst thing to say though and would display my stupidity which she would most certainly point out again.

"Yes I have expectations and even questions but right now I can only think about kissing you."

A smirk instantly grazed my face as I locked eyes with the brunette. My heart was warming up when I saw a small grin on her flawless mouth when she gave a response.

"Your limited brain function seems to have proved itself once more, darling."

The mayor teasingly sneered and winked at me. Her lips were blood-red and I couldn't hide the pull I felt towards them. It was true that I just wanted to let my lips crash down onto hers.

"My charm seems to prove itself as well."

I winked back and the dark-haired beauty just rolled her eyes at me. The brunette did look more than beautiful doing it though. Her voice sounded as husky as ever when she countered.

"Oh please Emma, the fact that you've almost inherited that hideous family name doesn't prove your charm."

A soft tone of red suddenly settled down on her cheeks as she looked deep into my green orbs. The color on her face almost matched the one of her lips. My heart fluttered at the sight but my voice just seemed slightly affected once I spoke up.

"No… but you calling me Emma sure does."

I smiled cheekily at her and got a breath-taking grin in return. _THIS IS DEFINITELY THE BEST DAY EVER!_ I screamed internally but my beaming face probably gave that thought away as well.

"Touché."

Regina replied dryly and licked her lips in a very seductive manner.

The mayor moved forward and let the pipe drop to the ground carelessly as she touched the sides of my soaking wet body. I was seriously wet everywhere. _Wet jeans, wet shirt and wet… somewhere totally inappropriately else._

Her left hand travelled upwards and once it lingered on my cheek I could instantly feel a pleasant and familiar heat stir inside of me. I looked deep into Regina's dark orbs and got lost in them while feeling her fingers near my temple.

I wasn't quite sure what it was but when she throatily whispered my eyes began to slowly close. My heartbeat slowed down in an instant just like my breathing.

"Remember, Emma."

Regina was apparently a – mind – reader or a magical "reminder" and beauti-fu-ck. Goodnight. My whole body became numb all of a sudden.

**Flashback – the day before yesterday slash the fateful night**

_I sat in Granny's diner looking around and searching for nobody in particular as I sipped on my twenty-seventh beer. Somewhere deep inside of my head I knew that the consumption of alcohol wasn't a solution to my problems but at that moment it just felt good. The mayor didn't fucking care about me as strongly as I cared about her so I just had to get away from reality for at least once._

_I couldn't deny that I was missing her snarky side remarks a lot. However I tried to shove that sentiment back as fast as I could but failed immediately. The former Evil Queen was like a drug to my brain because there wasn't one second when she didn't float around in my head. She conquered every single thought of mine and I hated her for it. I hated me for wanting her so much. It was stupid on the one hand... almost as stupid as me but on the other hand I knew that I could never change it even if I miraculously gained a higher IQ._

_After a while of staring at my already emptied twenty-eighth beer and sighing loudly, Ruby suddenly sat down beside me. The waitress had a cheeky smile on her face and something was definitely off... not just my balance and "only about Regina revolving" – thoughts but something was off with Ruby. I could tell that she was up to no good and it wasn't just because of the awkward smell of fish. _

_"Do wolves like fish?" I asked myself for a second but when Ruby thankfully spoke up, she tore me out of my thoughts._

_"Hey Emma. Belle's really drunk and well... tipsy me, too. Could we like sleep over at your place?" _

_That request didn't make fucking sense to me since Ruby's apartment was above the diner and therefore much closer anyways. However my wasted head seemed to not care about the relevance or content of said statement. When my slightly numb mouth finally opened, there were only undistinguishable words coming out of it._

_"Um. I – I shure, shust do wash u wan." _

_The brunette eyed me for a moment, obvious confusion settling down on her face as she gave a dry response._

_"Oooookay. So I take that as a yes! Thanks Emma... By the way could Regina come too?" _

_Ruby pointed to the stunning brunette sitting on a nearby booth who apparently seemed to be a little tipsy too. My heart was beating a little faster because of seeing her here and I suddenly seemed to form a bit more coherent sentences than before. A wide smile was instantly grazing my face when I began to talk._

_"Totly yeah. Shoe kin all cum."_

_I immediately stood up and made my utterly bendy way over to the other mother of Henry while nearly tripping over my own feet. My twenty-ninth beer was staying surprisingly safe in my swaying hand. I felt fortunate to not simply drop it in that very moment._

_Once reaching the beautiful brunette though – who seemed to instantly notice my presence because she stood up and looked at me – I stumbled forward and poured the delicious and divine drink on her dress._

_"Oh no my shweetlishous beeeeeeer..."_

_I grumbled silently showing off my drunkenness. However the idiocy of stating the fucking unimportant beer instead of the mayor's dress even outweighed that._

_"I mean... shit. Shyour dress. Theirsh gottabe somshing I cu do. I shwear I wake it up. I shwear on my mumsh life." _

_Those words left me without obviously thinking too much. The mayor seemed to like them though so I couldn't really regret having spoken them._

_"Dear that is so fucking intriguing, you know."_

_Regina muttered and I barely recognized her voice. It was still husky and all but something was different... probably her choice of words and their meaning. She normally never used the word "fucking". I felt a wet sensation between my legs after she had said that. _

_"I mean Emma, you're so fucking intriguing."_

_The brunette added and my ovaries were literally exploding at that. I had to chuckle slightly because of her cuteness and her uncommon behavior. My head moved forward and I gave her a quick peck on her cheek before I whispered drunkenly into her ear._

_"Rashina I hope thatshyou have a lishensh - a driver'sh licensh." _

_I tried really hard not to slur my speech that much. The driver's license part had been really difficult but I still thought that I had finally managed to appear slightly less drunk._

_"Why, love?" _

_A smirk settled down on my face when I heard the answer I had hoped for._

_"Well cause you're dry – you are drywin me cray-she."_

_The dark-haired woman chuckled and looked at me teasingly while her eyes were boring deeply into mine. I could feel that she wanted what I wanted in that moment which most certainly started with an "s" and ended with an "ex"._

_"There'sh a partaaay in my pa - flat and you're in-why-dead!"_

_I suddenly screamed before I could recollect my thoughts and blinked a few times. The whole diner seemed to look very pleasant about it – except for Regina of course. She gave me an unamused "I shall destroy your happiness if it's the last thing I do" – look. _

_After two minutes of wondering what to say, I cleared my throat in order to clear up that misunderstanding. However once I spoke up everyone else had already left the building – even Granny. The lights were already off._

_The only two persons who were left standing there in the darkness were the brunette and an idiotic me._

_"I wanit to say – um – There's a partay in my pantsh and you're inwhyded ash in only you."_

_The former Evil Queen smiled shyly at me and gave me a stolen but lasting kiss on my cheek in return. I chuckled dumbly and linked arms with her before I led her outside, where the real party had apparently just started._

…

* * *

**A/N 2.0: Should I continue both flashbacks? Or just one? **

**I'd be happy to read suggestions for improvement and the like. :) **


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N: Sorry for the late and really short update. I hope you're still with me. Exam week is crazy. **

**Check out 'Yo ho (A pirate's life for me)' - Blood on the dance floor. (Used the lyrics from that song ;))**

**If you want to read another crack story, feel free to read 'The stories of Miss Blanchfart...'. I would really appreciate it. **

**I hope you enjoy! :)**

Review:

_"There'sh a partaaay in my pa - flat and you're in-why-dead."_

_I suddenly screamed before I could recollect my thoughts and blinked a few times. The whole diner seemed to look very pleasant about it except for Regina of course. She gave me an unamused "I will kill you even if it's the last thing I do" – look. _

_I cleared my throat in order to clear up that misunderstanding. However once I spoke up everyone else had already left the building. The only two persons who were left standing there were the brunette and an idiotic me._

_"I wanit to say – um – There's a partay in my pantsh and you're inwhyded ash in only you."_

_The former Evil Queen smiled shyly at me and gave me a stolen but lasting kiss on my cheek in return. I chuckled dumbly and linked arms with her before I led her outside, where the real party had apparently just started._

**Chapter 6 - A little party never killed nobody**

Emma's POV (as always)

**The fateful night**

_…_

_Once we stepped outside, I immediately felt a little weird in the stomach and had a hard time at keeping my body upright. Fortunately, Regina was by my side and was obviously not as drunk as me. She navigated me as we made our way to the party crowd on the street, which moved slowly in the direction of my flat. _

_They were blasting away various songs and were dancing to their own inner rhythms. All of them were rather wobbly on their legs so the 'dancing' that they tried to perform, really couldn't be called dancing. It was kind of a miracle that nobody tackled a lantern or a rubbish bin on the way. _

_Ruby held Belle's hair as the latter cleared her stomach at the sidewalk several times. In that moment I felt quite happy that puking had never been one of my problems even if I had way too much booze. I had always managed to keep the liquids inside of me… before Regina had made her way into my life at least. _

_"Stop the mental rambling," I told myself quickly and had to smile at my leading woman who I locked eyes with instantly. God damn, she was so breathtakingly beautiful. _

_I was honestly relieved when some of the partiers, especially the dwarfs, parted from the group. They would have definitely not all fitted into the small apartment that I was still sharing with Mary Margaret._

_David walked a few meters ahead of me as he sipped on his beer and I was on the verge of finishing my thirtieth beer… no. That wasn't true… I had definitely stopped counting a while ago. _

_I wondered where Mary Margaret was when I watched her husband but quickly dropped the thought because of not really caring at all. She wasn't the kind of party animal anyway and who would know what effect, one drop of alcohol too many could have on the shorthaired woman. Sure, she was my mother and I had talked to her about stuff before. Partying with her was not on my to-do-list though. That would just be weird. It was honestly weird enough that David was there._

_Hook was the head of the awkward dancing group and held two bottles in his actual functioning hand. However, that turned out to be quite difficult so Regina quickly snatched his rum bottle away from him. The other one probably contained whiskey or something. That he didn't scold her or anything caught me off guard and what surprised me even more was the fact that the brunette suddenly took a giant gulp of the liquid. I wasn't surprised when she coughed a few times due to the apparent awful taste of it and I consequently had to chuckle slightly. I got an evil stare from her in return. _

_"Oh coooome oo-oon. I tayshted that shid too, reme – me – member?" _

_"I do hope that your eloquent speech is not fucking contagious, dear." _

_Regina grinned broadly and even laughed a little when she locked eyes with me. In that moment I was sure that that was the most beautiful sound, which I had ever heard. However, I sometimes doubted that anything could even be better than her voice in general and the fact that she had mentioned 'fucking' yet again. I had to immediately smile back and I even giggled, feeling like a love struck idiot. _

_The crowd trotted on and the brunette kept on sucking at the rum bottle. The more she drank, the more she apparently liked the alcoholic drink._

_After a few meters, the pirate suddenly started to sing in a very unpleasant manner. _

_"AHOY! AHOY! I put the happy to the joy. Fuck with me and I'll play you like a Gameboy. Ninja, skin ya. Throw you in a blender. Chop chop chop! I'm a motherfuckin' pirate!"_

_Once he sang those words, Granny was suddenly happily screaming along as well as Ruby and even Belle, who had apparently just finished clearing her stomach of its contents. _

_"Yo ho ho! And a bottle rum we go. It's my duty to please that booty… Yo ho ho. It's a pirate's life for me. It's a pirate's life for me."_

_The chanting idiots who considered themselves pirates raised their bottles and glasses in the air as the head pirate obviously needed to have the last words. _

_"I'm a pirate, niggah!"_

_I instantly eyed Regina and raised one eyebrow. She returned my astonished look with a smirk on her lips. We shrugged our shoulders in unison and happily moved on. A few short minutes of undistinguishable chatter passed and the crew finally made it to the steps of the apartment._

_When we arrived there, there were only Hook, Belle, Ruby, Granny, Charming, Regina and I left. Mary Margaret was probably at Charming's or somewhere else, watching over Henry. I was glad that she hadn't seen my excessive alcohol consumption and therefore had had no chance of spreading her motherly unicorn advice. "Definitely not on my to-do-list", I thought and grinned._

_Regina drank the last bit of Hook's rum bottle, which he was apparently not even missing since he happily sipped on his, 'what seemed to be whiskey' – bottle. The brunette stood in the middle of the living room and was suddenly screaming loudly while making weird gestures with her hand. She accidently threw the bottle away in the process._

_"Lesblay spin the bottle!"_

_The bottle just burst into thousands of broken fragments and the mayor stared at the ground, giving it her signature evil eye._

_I observed her for a moment, a confused and shocked look settling down on my face, especially because the brunette suddenly seemed to be quite wasted. Being drunk obviously had quite a negative impact on her fine motor skills. _

_Anyway, there was nothing in the world I detested more than that fucking game. The last time I had played it, I had unwillingly kissed someone who later turned out to be a relative and I also had ended up with herpes. Ugh... _

_So I was happy for a second since "spin the bottle" certainly wouldn't work without a bottle._

_However, the fucking pirate suddenly held out his emptied whiskey bottle to the now very sad but the still very adorable and sexy brunette. She narrowed her eyes at him and quickly snatched the container away from him. This time Regina lay the object down gently and smirked after having accomplished that. _

_Everyone immediately sat down – except for me until a hand grabbed my wrist and tore me down. The former Evil Queen looked at me expectantly and urged me to sit next to her. _

_Charming was the first one to spin and the object immediately pointed at Hook, who smirked in satisfaction._

_"Truth or dare, pirate?" Charming spoke up, seeming slightly pissed but still very aroused._

_"That's a toughie. Um – I go with truth." _

_"Where's your hook, Hook?" _

_"What? It's right here." _

_The pirate held his non-existing hand out in front of him and immediately gawked when he noticed that his hook was obviously gone. His eyes were becoming quite watery in that moment. He started to desperately fiddle about with the ground of the apartment and slid across it on his knees. I tried hard to contain my laughter. He was such an idiot. _

_"WHERE IS MY LOVELY HOOKIE?!" He screamed suddenly, startling the rest of the drunken crowd. _

_After another while of eyeing the floor – that he had apparently just made out with a few seconds prior – he stood up and marched into the bedroom of Mary Margaret. _

_David looked quite shocked and instantly followed the pirate. When he walked upstairs, I could clearly see something sticking out of his sleeve. "Oh you kinky bitch", I thought to myself and was on the verge of standing up before an arm of a very special person touched my shoulder. A good feeling suddenly settled down in my stomach and I had to grin at the brunette who sat beside me. _

_Her dark orbs were shining with desire and I felt a spark that definitely needed ignition. Oh, what a lovely fire we would create… in bed… I mean in… Fuck. Whatever. _

_I turned unwillingly and averted her gaze once Granny spoke up. What the fuck was she even doing here? She increased the average age by at least five years. _

_"I'm out of here, bitches." _

_The door shut with a loud bang. There were only the four of us left in the living room. The chances of being able to kiss a hot girl were therefore fucking high so I just took my chance. _

_I spun the bottle and looked up once it stopped spinning. I locked eyes with Ruby. 'Oh great… Wish it had been Regina. Shit.' I mentally said to myself._

_"Truff or dare, Rubsh?" _

_After I said that I mentally wished for truth and thought, 'Say truth. Say truth. SCREW THE HOT GIRLS… I mean I just want to screw one. Fuck it. Say truth. I don't want to hurt Regina. Say truth. Say truth.'_

_"I'm so going for dare."_

_'Damn it, kinky bitch number two!' was my next thought. _

_Ruby and I were slowly getting closer to one another but before our lips could even touch, Regina suddenly stood up and waved around with her hands, yelling._

_"Hey honeys, this is not a Big Red commercial. No me gusta!"_

_"Well actually… since I'm Red…" Ruby said with a wolfish grin on her face and looked at the other brunette._

_"This is a full cup." _

_Regina interrupted the waitress and handed the wolf girl a cup that she had just conjured up and that was filled with water, and a cover. I was quite impressed that her magic seemed to be so intact even if she was totally drunk. _

_"Now shut the full cup!" _

_I cracked up and was quite surprised that the brunette seemed to have watched youtube videos as well. She quickly grabbed my hand and brought me into a standing position before we headed into my bedroom. _

**Flashback over**

I blinked a few times once I realized that something felt wrong. When I fully opened my green eyes, I looked into dark orbs that were gazing back at me. I immediately felt the loss of the warm touch of the brunette's fingers on my skin. _The flashback wasn't over yet! Damn it._

I teasingly spoke up once I noticed that she looked at me expectantly.

"You do have your sassy times, don't you?"


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I've just glanced through the text so there are probably a lot of mistakes. Please excuse them. ;)**

**I hope you're not confused by the flashback or drunken statements and if you are, feel free to let me know. :)**

**Enjoy! :)**

**Drunks speak the truth **

**Chapter 7 - 'Spread your legs'**

Regina just smirked at me, mentally giving me an answer. Yes, she was sassy and she knew it. Sexy was so overrated at times. Sassy totally was the new sexy… and yet the brunette combined the two traits perfectly.

"This is enough for one day, love. Henry seemed to worry thus I have to excuse the sudden intrusion."

I looked around for a second to see that the boy wasn't even around. However, I was rather interested in something else so I just shot her a question.

"How long was I in the 'whatever crazy mental shit' – phase you put me into?"

"Eloquent as ever, I see."

The brunette purred and looked at me teasingly.

I narrowed my eyes at her and crossed my arms over my chest when I replied.

"You know what I mean."

"You've only been gone for a few minutes."

She gave me a small grin and instantly looked deep into my eyes. I was feeling the after-effects of the dream and wanted to urgently find out how everything would turn out…One way or another, I needed to make coherent thoughts about that fateful night. I just needed to know if I had slept with the brunette or not.

"What happens next?"

"What do you mean, dear?"

Regina furrowed her brow and an indifferent expression settled down on her face as she eyed me.

"Seriously?"

"I most certainly do not understand what you mean. Please elaborate on that, Miss Swan."

And her famous smirk returned on her well-shaped face that was only perfected by the scar, close to her upper lip.

"I want more."

I smiled at her sheepishly and stared into her beautiful chocolate-brown eyes, which were immediately darkening.

"More?"

She raised one eyebrow and continued to look at me teasingly.

"Yes. M – O – R – E. More."

"You will get more, honey but Henry needs to be taken care of."

The brunette chuckled slightly after she had said that. _Oh how she loved to play games with me, but eye-sex was her favorite game of all, apparently._

I winked at her seductively and before she could say anything, I instantly screamed.

"HENRY!"

Henry came around the corner and looked quite baffled as he saw his two mothers, standing so indecently close to one another. I was totally soaked from head to toe and Regina wasn't that dry either. I cleared my throat once he was standing next to us.

"Could you go to Mary Margaret for like – the rest of the day?" I said that but really meant 'for the rest of the month', but that would have been a little unfair towards him.

Henry was our son and as much as I wanted to sexually get active with the brunette in front of me all month long, he needed us. And well, somewhere deep inside of me, I loved him very much, him and his beautiful mother.

"Sure. Bye."

And with those few words, he was gone. _Oh yeah, back to business._

Regina looked at me with an astonished look grazing her face.

"What?" I said, shrugging my shoulders.

"Nothing, dear. I just didn't expect you to be so…"

"Impatient. Yes, yes, I know. Could we continue, pleeeeeeeaase?"

I gave her my most adorable puppy look and stretched the 'please' in the end to make it sound even cuter. The mayor rolled her eyes at me and put on her sassy smirk before she gave a response. Her husky voice was music to my ears just like always.

"Very well then, love."

Her fingers gently touched my temple and I immediately closed my eyes because of the velvet touch. My goose pumps were getting goose pumps and my heart was beating so hard that I thought it could hop out of my chest any minute… and then I was in trance again.

**_FLASHBACK – The fateful night_**

_The brunette sat down on my bed and patted the space to her left. I grinned sheepishly at her and moved over, my eyes locked on hers. I let myself crash into the mattress and gazed at her when I spoke up._

_"I mished you an your shide remorgs." _

_"Sherioushly?" _

_Regina eyed me shyly and yet looked quite startled by my statement. And somehow the alcohol must have quickly made its way to her 'talking' abilities as well._

_"Of coursh. They're shust hilarioush."_

_I spoke up confidently and gave her my broadest smile. My heart was beating really fast and I couldn't stop the butterflies that filled my whole stomach. _

_The brunette looked so different, good different in that moment. A small grin was grazing her crimson lips as she replied in an adorable manner._

_ "Oh beer – dear, I mished your shtupid ash as well." _

_My eyelids fluttered at her response and I shyly looked down before I whispered; the words true and barely audible. _

_"Ya know… from tha firsht time I shaw you, Eiffel in love wish you." _

_"Wha?" _

_Her stunned reply caught me off guard and my head immediately snapped up because of it. I locked eyes with the mayor in an instant and spoke up, revealing my innermost feelings._

_"I laugh you, Shina."_

_The brunette crinkled her forehead for a second. Once she seemed to take in the information though, her facial expression got softer and she smiled at me broadly. I felt my heart swelling up at the sight. She silently countered._

_"I laugh you, too, Em." _

_I giggled because of the nickname that she had never used before. Regina also lightly chuckled as she looked into my emerald orbs. I felt breathless and overwhelmed with joy for a second, but I nevertheless managed to somehow speak up again. _

_"Arr we two gather miau?"_

_"It's 'now', Mish Shwan. And it's a yesh, eye wood love that."_

_The mayor smirked at me teasingly and she seemed to be in her element once more. Sassy and all. _

_"Cood I kish you?" I asked her with a sheepish smile on my lips._

_"On tha mauth?" _

_"I've washt my thief, I shwear." _

_The brunette chuckled huskily at my response. After a few seconds, she replied._

_"I hath not. Shyou hath a toothbash?" _

_ "I do. Wait." _

_I made my way into the bathroom and immediately had to gasp at what was displayed in front of me. A mother-naked Ruby was riding on top of a similar dressed Belle who sat on the toilet. They immediately stopped their awkward movements when I stormed in. I gawked at them and the silence inside the room was only interrupted by a vibrating sound, making the whole situation even weirder. My mind seemed to quickly make out what Belle had shoved into the hairy wolf-girl's clit only seconds ago. OH NO THEY DIDN'T! _

_I started to scream once I put my head around the atrocity._

_"WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH MY ELECTRIC TOOTHBRUSH?" _

_I felt suddenly more than sober. Weird. _

_"Um we're having advanced lesbian sex… duh?" _

_"GET OUT OF HERE!" _

_I pointed to the door while covering my eyes with my other hand. _

_"Shit, shit, shit, shit!" _

_Ruby suddenly hissed and stood up from Belle's lap. Her face seemed to be paralyzed with fear as she eyed the other naked woman who seemed just as shocked._

_The first odd thing I noticed was that the vibration sound suddenly stopped… but that couldn't be the source of the panic in both of their faces. And then I looked at Belle again. She was empty-handed. She was fucking empty-handed. Where the fuck was my toothbrush?!_

_"I think your toothbrush got stuck in my pussy." _

_Ruby turned her wolfish grin to me and I looked at her in utter shock. 'YOU GOTTA BE EFIN KIDDING ME!' I thought to myself before I yelled at her. _

_"Well, you better get it out then!" _

_I quickly left the room and wasn't really feeling like kissing Regina anymore. Not because of the stunning brunette in my room but obviously because of the two disgusting idiots in my bathroom. I should sterilize the toilet later. Ugh. I hoped that I wouldn't forget to do that._

**Flashback over**

"Oh god! GOD! THAT'S SO DISGUSTING!"

I instantly screeched once my eyes were wide open. My eyes immediately stared into dark brown orbs.

"What happened, dear?"

Regina looked at me expectantly and a little confused as she questioned me. I just screamed out, still being freaked from what I had seen.

"I DIDN'T FUCKING STERILIZE MY TOILET, WHICH I HAD SAT ON YESTERDAY MORNING, HAPPILY SINGING SONGS, NOT KNOWING ABOUT THAT CREEEPY TOOTHBRUSH INCIDENT!"

The brunette suddenly burst into a breathy laughter when she eyed me. She seemed quite pleased to provoke me like that. And she apparently knew exactly what I was speaking of. Once Regina seemed to have regained her composure and posture again, she smirked at me and spoke up dryly.

"There's even more to the story, dear."

My eyes nearly popped out of my head once she said that. My jaw dropped to the floor and I felt like puking. Anyway, I shoved that feeling away as quick as I could.

"Those kinky bitches are so going to pay for that! Right now though, I just need to know more. Could we go on, babe?"

Regina furrowed her brow and seductively grinned at me. Before I could realize what I had just said, the brunette purred with a raspy voice.

"Seriously, Miss Swan? We've been in this relationship for about thirty-six hours and you're already calling me 'babe'?

"Um that's not even the point. Just pleeeeeaaseee, proceeeeed?"

I looked at her with an adorable smile, settling down on my lips and my eyes getting impossibly big.

The former Evil Queen exaggeratedly huffed before she quickly touched my skin again.

**_Flashback – fateful night_**

_I dropped down on the bed beside Regina and exhaled deeply. The brunette looked at me expectantly but before she could say anything, the two weirdos from the bathroom made their way into my room. Belle was properly dressed again but Ruby only wore a shirt, her ass swaying as she moved towards us. _

_"What are you doing?" I asked her and narrowed my eyes at both of them._

_"We just can't get it out." Belle shrugged her shoulders and gave me an excusing look. Ruby came to a halt in the middle of the room, but the other girl sat down on the edge of my bed. _

_"What is this imposition about, Miss Swan?" _

_The brunette seemed to be completely back in 'mayor – mode' as she eyed me with a stern expression on her face. It seemed as if she had magically gotten rid of the alcohol in her system. That was so cool… I wish I was able to do that as well. After a while of just staring at Regina and not saying anything, the mayor decided it would be best if she would speak up._

_"Miss Lucas, what seems to be the problem?"_

_"Emma's electric toothbrush." _

_"Excuse me?" _

_"It's in my pussy." _

_"How did… oh, no. I really don't want to know." _

_"So Em, could you help me get it out?" Ruby eyed me expectantly._

_"What? Are you mental?" I yelled at her, being quite shocked at her proposal._

_Regina suddenly chimed in, sitting on the bed like a fucking queen and looking at me almost pleadingly._

_"Miss Swan, I believe you would be the only here fit for the job since the so called beauty is apparently transforming to the sleeping beauty."_

_I crinkled my forehead and looked over to Belle, who was already sleeping innocently. The woman with the ravishing chestnut hair even snored a little. How ironic was that? _

_I groaned as I gave in. I couldn't let Regina do that disgusting job and I couldn't also let the toothbrush inside of Ruby… and besides, I was drunk enough to feel less embarrassed and weird about it._

_"Fine, I'll do it. Hop on the bed and spread your legs, Ruby."_

_ …_

_To be continued…_

* * *

**A/N: Was is it okay at all?**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: This is like the shortest chapter ever and I'm terribly sorry. I just have a serious writer's block in the moment when it comes to this story. Anyhow, I haven't planned anything else for this story, too... So this might be the end. If you want this to be continued, if you have ideas, then please let me know. ;) Mistakes are my own as always.**

**Anyhow, enjoy! I'll hope you still like it. :)**

_Review:_

_"It's in my pussy." _

_"How did… oh, no. I really don't want to know." _

_"So Em, could you help me get it out?" Ruby eyed me expectantly._

_"What? Are you mental?" I yelled at her, being quite shocked at her proposal._

_Regina suddenly chimed in, sitting on the bed like a fucking queen and looking at me almost pleadingly._

_"Miss Swan, I believe you would be the only here fit for the job since the so called beauty is apparently transforming to the sleeping beauty."_

_I crinkled my forehead and looked over to Belle, who was already sleeping innocently. The woman with the ravishing chestnut hair even snored a little. How ironic was that? _

_I groaned as I gave in. I couldn't let Regina do that disgusting job and I couldn't also let the toothbrush inside of Ruby… and besides I was drunk enough to feel less embarrassed and weird about it._

_"Fine, I'll do it. Hop on the bed and spread your legs, Ruby."_

_ …_

**Chapter 8**

_… 5 seconds later_

_"OH GOD, EMMA! THIS IS SO GOOD! YES! YES! DEEPER, DEEPER!"_

_Regina instantly shot Ruby a death glare as she spoke and successfully managed to silence the other woman._

_"Miss Lucas, calm your boobies. We are most certainly not involved in some kind of porn." _

_"Well, actually, according to Mary Margaret, you and Emma are." The waitress replied with a wolfish grin on her face._

_My right hand was freaking deep inside of Ruby's pussy and kept on moving around inside of it in an attempt to find the electric toothbrush. Every now and then, I accidently hit the 'on' button and the vibration caused the waitress to come slightly closer to the edge… That wasn't what I wanted at all. I just wanted to get the object out of her without having to spoon her… without having to smell like fish and without having to … 'FUCK!' _

_Mary Margaret suddenly opened the door and started to shriek like a fucking Barbie or someone who just got stabbed in the back. Anyhow, the woman with the pixie haircut eyed the scenario for a few seconds before she managed to find her voice. _

_"THIS IS PORN! STOP IT RIGHT NOW, YOU – YOU…" _

_"The words you're searching for may be 'kinky bitches'?" Regina smirked at the other woman and winked at me right after she had successfully started to provoke my mother. _

_I gulped hardly when I saw that the brunette made obvious eye sex to me for what felt like an eternity. However, once it seemed to get really sensual, my stupid mother had to speak up again._

_"SOMETHING LIKE THAT NEEDS TO BE FORBIDDEN! IT NEEDS TO BE FORBIDDEN ALL OVER THE WORLD! THIS IS SO UNNATURAL…" _

_Ruby seemed to kind of use that moment to speak up and spread her world knowledge, which apparently didn't go much further than Storybrooke._

_"Well, I've actually seen two male bunnies in the forest last week – oh fuck, Emma, this – is – it – I'm coming, ladies. I'm so close." The waitress moaned a few times and she was honestly sweating everywhere._

_"Mom, if I were you, I would leave the room right now." I angrily spoke up as I still poked around in the wolf girl's clit._

_Mary Margaret huffed exaggeratedly before she finally exited my bedroom again._

_"HERE WE GOOOOO. OH, YEAH!" I screamed as soon as I retrieved a soaking wet toothbrush from the other woman's pussy. _

_The waitress pouted and seemed slightly disappointed since she had only been seconds away from a very good and much needed orgasm. I couldn't give her that satisfaction, though. Ruby mumbled something to herself but quickly settled down beside the still sleeping and snoring Belle._

_I lay back, falling into my pillow with a thud and drunkenly threw the toothbrush away. Once I turned around to take in the beauty beside me, my eyes instantly met the brown-chocolate ones of Regina. A sheepish smile grazed my face as my eyelids closed. I fell asleep only seconds later._

**Flashback over**

"Sheriff Swan?" A very sexy and husky voice spoke up.

"Regina, that was so freaking weird." I replied, crinkling my forehead and somehow feeling drunk.

The brunette chuckled breathily and smirked at me. She didn't say anything but leaned forward until her breath gently touched my skin. I took a step in her direction and pressed my pink lips onto her perfectly shaped ones. We hummed in unison as we touched and grinned against each other's lips. _Yeah, I could really get used to that, _I thought to myself as we parted. I gazed into beautiful dark orbs and immediately started to smile sheepishly.

Regina teasingly licked her lips as she finally said something.

"So, girlfriend, what do you want to do, now?"

_Oh god, YES I'M HER GIRLFRIEND, but what do I want? Another kiss, rambling about last night, hot and approved lesbian sex, splashing you with the pipe…? _A hundred thoughts were running around in my head for what felt like hours and I just couldn't decide on what to say to her. I never felt this out of place. Regina was the only woman that could have such an effect on me. I loved her with every ounce of my being.

"I love you, you know."

"I know, dear. I do love you, too. Anyhow, I could fulfill every dream of yours. So, what do you say? And please don't be speechless, Miss Swan."

* * *

**THE END_ ... FOR NOW. **

**A/N 2.0: Want me to continue? Do you want to know how 'last night' went?**

Feel free to check out 'The Stories of Miss Blanchfart and SQ' for more crack or 'Imagine me without you' for romance and drama. ;)


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